Silicone Insanity

Davids' answer to most of the problems life throws his way is quite simple. According to him, pretty much anything can be fixed with a tube of silicone.

As you can see by the way this tube is curled up like a tube of toothpaste, he reaches for this quite often
When he bought a used car, the squeeks it made drove him nuts, so he solved the problem by siliconing EVERYTHING on the dashboad.. I'm serious, the glove box, the knobs on the defunct radio, EVERYTHING was siliconed down.
One time the front lisence plate was ripped off while taking it through the carwash.. So after retrieving it from the guy who works there, he drilled some new holes in the bumper, put in some large bolts and to ensure it wasn't going anywhere again, he siliconed the nuts on the bolts.. Stay tuned for a picture of this later, I'll run out and snap a few after he gets home, it's priceless.
One time he asked me to pick him up some at the store. He didn't think it was funny when I returned with a cylinder of it, which turned out to be useless since we don't own a caulking gun. Yes, it needed a caulking gun..
Even though I'm not very fond of using silicone for most projects which require glue, I've stayed quiet about it and let him silicone whatever his little heart wants to.
But now he's gone too far..
While at the Frankfurt Zoo, I bought a coffee mug as a souvenier. Unfortunately, by the time we got home, the handle had broken off of it during it's travels in my purse.
So, I put it to the side until I could get around to fixing it later. With CERAMIC glue.
Well, David ended up getting to it before I did. And here's the results of his work..


He doesn't know why I keep complaining about him using silicone on it...

European Hospitality

David is back from the field. He returned on Saturday, with a smile for all and a heap of dirty clothes to be washed.
The kids and I did a lot of crafts, one was building a volcano:

I was hoping to concoct the mother of all explosions when it was finished. But at least the kids got a kick watching the vinegar, baking soda and crushed alka seltzer slowly ooze out of the top. Maybe when they're older we can experiment with pyro and then we'll enjoy a more impressive display of a man made version of natures' fury.
We also took the train to Frankfurt.

It was a LOOOONG ride. The train stopped at every station on the way there, and it took about 2 hours to get there.
The first car we got on reeked to high heaven. Apparently someone had been assaulted with a bad case of travellers diarrhea in the bathroom before we got on. So, we switched cars. And with kids, it's hard to be discreet about these things. Both of the kids were gagging and holding their noses. Hopefully whoever the culprit was didn't see them doing that.
Once in Frankfurt we got into a Taxi and went to the Zoo. The weather was nice, about 80 degrees and it wasn't too crowded.
After walking around there for 4 hours we headed back home.
It was a really fun day for all of us.
The Anti-American sentiment was high, from the girl who rolled her eyes and acted like a bitch when I bought water from her stand, to the dirty looks we received when we were overheard talking to each other in English.
It's quite the paradox.
They complain about the bases, and when one closes they get mad because of all the jobs and local business that's lost to the city.
They complain because we're here, but they seem to forget that if they hadn't tried to take over the world, we wouldn't be here in the first place.
I use to really like it here, but now I can't wait to get back to the States.
My MIL use to live here as a teenager, and had really good memories of the people. After her last visit, she couldn't believe how rude and mean they've become towards the Americans.
Ah well... At least more bases will be closing down soon, before long we'll only have 2 bases here, Graf and Ramstein.

Bonnie and Clyde

I heard in the news about that lady in Tennessee who helped her husband escape from going to prison. All I can say is WOW!!!! I feel really bad for the families of those who were killed, but I find myself totally fascinated by her actions.
I just can't ever imagine feeling THAT passionate for anyone.
If the big D ever went to prison, I'd be passionate enough to pay him an occasional trailer visit, and maybe I'd bring along a gift wrapped roll of dip on his birthday and Christmas, but he's out of his mind if he thinks I'd attempt any sort of hijinks like that.
When I was younger, I went through my fair share if dumb crimes which had me getting to know the city judges more than I would have liked.
Luckily by the time I became an "adult" I realized that it wasn't worth it anymore and I wasn't very good at NOT getting caught.
One time I was at a local rock show. There I was sitting in a back room with my best friend. She was chatting with a drummer and I was sharing a beer with another guy there. There were probably about 20 of us all piled in that room.
So, one minute I'm sitting on the floor gazing over my Budweiser into the eyes of a band member, and the next thing I know, I'm looking right at the polyester clad crotch of a cop. It's scary when you've got a gun dangling in your face like that-I might add.
Anyways, the 2 cops supervising the show had decided to walk back there and rounded all of us juvenile delinquents up. Since we out numbered the cops, we all decided to make a break for it, and like a herd of elephants, we all stormed out a back door and into the night.
Gradually, we started trickling back to the show. And guess what? Out of EVERYONE, guess who was the ONLY one who got recognized? Yup, me. (It doesn't help that I was the only one with hair that wasn't colored a natural shade...)
So yeah that's the story of my short lived criminal career. If I tried to get away with it, I had a 98% chance of getting caught.
I remember another time me and 2 others decided to runaway. After carefully calculating what we'd need to survive, we took off in a car jam packed with clothes, 5 bucks and a dream...
We made it to Arizona, stealing gas and food all the way there. Even though we starved through most of the trip, at least we looked fucking great since we had a good wardrobe to pick and choose from.
As for the guy I mentioned in that last entry:
Don't worry it wasn't an animal. It was a household appliance.
*sigh*
It sucked having to pick through the scraps of guys which my much prettier friends had shot down. Kinda like dumpster diving rhrough someone elses trash.

This and That

I'll be flying solo on Monday after David leaves for a 2 week training exercise. He's bought extra minutes for his cell phone, his bags are ready to go and tomorrow I'll pick up 2 log rolls of Copenhagen for him. B.T.W: I REALLY hate it when he has me buy dip for him. I mean, it's not like I ask him to pick up tampons on his way home from work.. The way I see it, a girl buying dip is equivalent to a guy buying tampons-it's just embarrassing .. Being from Wyoming, I have seen girls who dip and it's just WRONG.
* * *
Anyways, while he's gone I'll enjoy my mini vacation from being a wife by enjoying activities like having the computer to myself after the kids go to sleep.. Playing endless rounds of Mahjong and Literati... And enjoying movies which don't feature violence, naked women and car chases-all of which are elements that must be met before David will rent it.
* * *
Now before anyone starts getting the idea that I like it when my husband's gone, it's definitely NOT like that at all. Yeah, I do enjoy an occasional SHORT TERM break from having to fold extra clothes and having to put more effort into making dinner, but I would never want him to be gone for a long block of time.
I LOVE being married, I really do.
After my past experiences with being single, some of which were so bad that I was turned into a shell of myself, rocking back and forth in a corner mumbling "never again..." and questioning my sexual orientation because of extreme hatred towards anyone who had a penis...
Well, I just never want to go back to that.
Plus, it helps out a lot that I lucked out with a pretty swell guy.
* * *
Here's some of my past misadventures as a single girl:
First off, in the past, I've ALWAYS been shy whenever I liked someone. So, if I saw someone I liked, I'd hightail it the other way as fast as possible.
To get over this shyness, I employed getting drunk as fuck around them in hopes of being able to say something to them.
Trying to impress a guy with your drinking skills is NOT a good method to use. Each time this method has been used, disastrous results have followed for me, such as, giving the impression that I have as much intelligence as a turnip and/or *HORRORS* going beyond my bodies capabilities to process anymore alcohol and throwing up all over them in mid conversation.
* * *
Then there's the cheesy guys you have to pick through.
I once met a guy who seemed to hold potential. He was a nice Southern boy and his drawl charmed the hell out of me.
BUT THEN, during the course of conversation, after taking note of his last name, I asked if he was of Irish decent. The next thing I know, this corn bread, grit fed hot Southern guy's all talking like he's Brave heart.
"Ah yeah, the MACK KAY clan hails from Ireland.." (His last name was McKay, but suddenly he started pronouncing it as MACK KAY)
And he didn't stop there, he just kept going on in that lame ass Irish accent.
* * *
Then there's those who you finally hook up with and you wish you hadn't, once you get a good look at them naked.
I remember bringing home one guy who I'd been casually dating for awhile.
Things seemed to be all good under the covers, but then morning came, along with the glaring light of reality...
I was both shocked and disgusted to discover "Mr. Hot" was actually Mr.Sasquatch. The way I saw it, if he couldn't take the time to remove his over abundance of back hair, then how could I expect him to take the time to put much into a relationship.
So Big Foot was politely shown the door and never allowed back in.
* * *
Then there's those experiences that you just can't classify at all...
I remember during the course of a phone conversation with a guy I'd met, I casually asked, "So, what's your most embarrassing moment?"
Guys, if you have EVER gotten so drunk at a party and tried to have sex with a non human object in front of everyone, DO NOT share this story...
This is what will happen.
There will be a LOOOONG uncomfortable silence, followed with "Well, I have to go now." and you will NEVER hear or see that girl ever again.
* * *
I also dated a guy who was schizophrenic and later discovered through friends that after his pet rat died, he boiled it and ate it. According to them, "He really loved that rat." I spent MONTHS wanting to puke every time I remembered his snaky tongue winding its way around my oral cavity, after I discovered the type of things that had been in his grill before I came around.
* * *
Unfortunately, there's A LOT more of these bad dating experiences forever trapped in the vaults of my memory bank...
But, on a good note, it makes me appreciate my husband. Especially, when he's being a jerk face.

Those wacky W's

Mrs.W is married to David's co-worker Mr.W.
While Mr.W is cool as all get out, Mrs.W is a total fruit loop.
I really did try to like her, but I soon discovered that she's not satisfied if there's nothing to complain about. (Aren't those types fun to be around?) So... I unobtrusively guided her out of my life until she got the hint that I no longer wanted her to keep calling me to complain about non exsistant things.
Basically I told her, "No, I do not want to form any sort of friendship with you. Good day."
And that was that...
* * *
When Mr.W was deployed to Iraq, and they were both looking forward to it because the extra money would help get them out of the serious financial hole they're always complaining about... Mrs. W took it upon herself to surprise him by moving out of base housing (which is FREE by the way) and into a condo. She also decided without consulting him that it'd be loads of fun to have her adult sister fly to Germany and live with them. She also got a wild hair to sell all of their furniture. So the poor guy didn't even have a couch to sit on when he came back home... Mix in having a small toddler in the house and a baby who arrived in December, and you're gonna get one stressed out individual.

* * *
David recently ran into Mr.W, who apparently looked understandably worn out..And here's how the conversation went..
Mr.W: "Did you hear, my wife's having another kid?" (Yup, 7 months after baby number 2, baby number 3 is currently under construction...)
According to David, this question was followed with a sneer..
David didn't know what to say, so he just nodded and let him vent for a bit about how unexpected this all was.
* * *
Mr. W is now taking anger management classes. His wife and sister-in-law are enjoying their new home and enjoying the project of digging themselves into China. (Of course, neither of them have felt compelled to join the workforce)
* * *
Man, that would SUCK..
Thank you Mrs.W for making me look like wife of the year..